The Lottery in Babylon

 新年快乐。 新的一年继续景观式反抗。☝

昨天看到这个视频: 【复读齐泽克：不要“做自己”】 https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1xG411V7m4/ 视频里提到Lacan说的“the truth is you are your own mask."  以及齐泽克的"most people are monsters secretly". 我思维很跳跃地联想起了上周推上有点话题度的NeurIPS speaker歧视华人事件。 虽然这个事件speaker本身很让我火大，但这里我想讨论并反驳一下在这个事件发生以前，我周围很多人对种族歧视的观点。 不得不说，在此之前，很多人见到和种族或者性别议题相关的就是一句“政治正确”，甚至自己也经常发表歧视言论。直到政治不正确的拳头打到自己身上，才觉得难受了，要出来说话了。 一个我经常看到的观点是：“我们就不如直接承认我们每个人都或多或少有种族歧视，为什么还要演得相亲相爱？这是一种伪善。” 我对这个观点简单的回应就是：如果你能做到伪善一辈子，那你就是大善人。你就是你的面具。 我们在此不讨论种族政策在美国宏观上实施时的一些避重就轻，也不是要讨论一些libtard或者troll没事找事要把Byzantine general's problem里的Byzantine去掉或者 reverse Polish notation里的Polish去掉这类极端的言论。我们就讨论我们每个普通人生活中，需要学着去避免表达对一个大范围人群/文化的地图炮言论，特别是在公开/严肃的场合。 虽然有些时候偏见确实是有statistical significance的，所以我觉得在私下生活中吐吐槽，或者是脱口秀这种解构一切的场合大家一笑了之没什么大不了。我也能理解一些人可能反复经历了几次和同一个种族/文化的交往中的trauma, 所以禁不住想反复吐槽这个人群，但是冷静下来时也知道自己这个偏见其实还是之apply to这个人群的少部分人。当然也有一些人的歧视言论，纯粹出于毫无理由的优越感和对建立想象敌对群体的渴望。  无论是出于“发泄后又冷静下来”，还是“就是想发表歧视言论，但害怕被喷又加个buff", 当今我们见到大量“A类人都是XXX"后又加上一句着补的言论。 每个人的面具后面是更多的面具，最终面具之下就是空无一物。或者...

  Peer reviews of the quantum cryptography community at the moment: Reviewers from other areas: "Not my area, not interested, so reject" Reviewers from our own area: "I can understand your high-level techniques, so that makes your paper trivial." This toxicity has been giving me depression and nihilism for quite a while.  In the reviews for each of my QIP submission, I got a 1-sentence review that simply summarizes the paper (or even says some good things! ) but gives a "weak reject" for no reason. This is not surprising by the historically consistent high-entropy of QIP reviews from people outside your area. What surprises and saddens me at most is this one reviewer, clearly from our own area because they actually understand what we do on a high-level, who, however, gives ridiculous reasons for weak rejection: 1. They believe the statement we prove is highly-expected to be true by the community.   ---Aren't a lot of important theorems highly expected ...

 This is a reading diary on Hermann Hesse's The Glass Bead Game (or "Master Ludi"). I will simply copy down paragraphs I found intriguing and relatable (maybe with a few comments from myself). I'll keep updating it along with my reading. 1. "There is no doubt that the Game has its dangers. For that very reason we love it; only the weak are sent out on paths without perils. But never forget what I have told you so often: our mission is to recognize contraries for what they are: first of all as contraries, but then as opposite poles of a unity. Such is the nature of the Glass Bead Game. The artistically inclined delight in the Game because it provides opportunities for improvisation and fantasy. The strict scholars and scientists despise it -- and so do some musicians also -- because, they say, it lacks that degree of strictness which their specialties can achieve.   Well and good, you will encounter these antinomies, and in time you will discover that they are sub...

During the pandemic, when STOC 2020 was held online, A PhD student, about my year or maybe a year below, Approached me on GatherTown for a chat. We didn’t talk much, as I was socially anxious a while back. Last year, I saw a paper of his with a note, “In memory of [his name],” And only then did I realize he had passed away in an accident in 2022. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, will I also suddenly pass away? And then, my traces in this world—aside from a few papers no one cares about—will disappear completely. But do I really care about leaving a trace? It seems like I don't even want to; I almost wish I could vanish entirely. Before the day comes when I suddenly pass away,  I want to erase    all evidence that I ever existed, wipe away my  traces, From this community that I once lived in, anticipating and amazed. I hope I won’t have to live under the gaze of the others anymore, No longer forced to conform to the symbolic order of this circle. “Proving big theore...

  这是一封警告信，也是一封忏悔书，但该忏悔的人不是我。 这是一篇讲述北美华人STEM research community里我和我的朋友A, 两位女性受到的性骚扰经历的文章。（这是一篇比较私人化的文章，未经允许请不要发布到其他平台上。） 这是我PhD毕业前后就想写下来并公开的一封信。现在终于鼓起勇气写下来。 我从现在开始用第二人称， 你， 来 称呼接下来会提到的这两位 respondents。 因为我知道这世界上有些人是不会忏悔的，你们甚至从来没觉得自己错过，我写这封信帮你回顾自己的行为。   文章里提及的respondents现在都在国内/北美的established and prestigious institutions工作，甚至已迎娶白富美走上人生巅峰。你们的朋友圈都充满了光鲜亮丽冠冕堂皇，你们对学术的热爱，你们事业的成功。不了解你们的人大概根本想象不到这一面。 我不会提及你的姓名和学校， 我写这封信的目的不是为了让你声败名裂，也 不是为了要打倒谁。   而且我知道即使我真的公布了你的名字，你也不一定会受到任何影响，你做的事情肯定还没有到罪大恶极的程度，何况在这个世界上，比你做过更过份事情的人也经常不会受到任何惩罚。 但我一定要写下来，让你看到，让你清楚意识到你做的事情对周围人造成的是怎样的影响和感受。   我也要警示更多的人，让他们知道遇到你这样的人时该怎么做，把我和我朋友所经历的一切和当时的处理方式作为反面教材。   这文章里没有什么特别离奇的故事，但是不代表我们受到的伤害和影响不深。 夜深人静的时候我就会时不时回想起我和我朋友A的经历， 我觉得我不把这些写下来对不起我的良心。 这封信只针对那么个别人，请广大读者不要随便对号入座，或者觉得我在阴阳怪气更大的群体。 我遇到的95%的大家都是很合理的，懂得尊重别人的人。 但如果真的对号入座发现每一项都完全符合，那么这文章里说的人可能就是你； 如果你真的觉得我在阴阳怪气地图炮， 那可能有些stereotypes就是statistically significant的。 我并不是一个草木皆兵的人，很多时候生活中我们大家都难免说出不过脑子的话，开不合时宜的玩笑，但文中respondents的行为不是偶发的/由于脑子抽了一时做出来的，而是不断持续，重复的，甚至是有计划...