The Lottery in Babylon

 This is a reading diary on Hermann Hesse's The Glass Bead Game (or "Master Ludi"). I will simply copy down paragraphs I found intriguing and relatable (maybe with a few comments from myself). I'll keep updating it along with my reading. 1. "There is no doubt that the Game has its dangers. For that very reason we love it; only the weak are sent out on paths without perils. But never forget what I have told you so often: our mission is to recognize contraries for what they are: first of all as contraries, but then as opposite poles of a unity. Such is the nature of the Glass Bead Game. The artistically inclined delight in the Game because it provides opportunities for improvisation and fantasy. The strict scholars and scientists despise it -- and so do some musicians also -- because, they say, it lacks that degree of strictness which their specialties can achieve.   Well and good, you will encounter these antinomies, and in time you will discover that they are sub...

During the pandemic, when STOC 2020 was held online, A PhD student, about my year or maybe a year below, Approached me on GatherTown for a chat. We didn’t talk much, as I was socially anxious a while back. Last year, I saw a paper of his with a note, “In memory of [his name],” And only then did I realize he had passed away in an accident in 2022. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, will I also suddenly pass away? And then, my traces in this world—aside from a few papers no one cares about—will disappear completely. But do I really care about leaving a trace? It seems like I don't even want to; I almost wish I could vanish entirely. Before the day comes when I suddenly pass away,  I want to erase    all evidence that I ever existed, wipe away my  traces, From this community that I once lived in, anticipating and amazed. I hope I won’t have to live under the gaze of the others anymore, No longer forced to conform to the symbolic order of this circle. “Proving big theore...

  这是一封警告信，也是一封忏悔书，但该忏悔的人不是我。 这是一篇讲述北美华人STEM research community里我和我的朋友A, 两位女性受到的性骚扰经历的文章。（这是一篇比较私人化的文章，未经允许请不要发布到其他平台上。） 这是我PhD毕业前后就想写下来并公开的一封信。现在终于鼓起勇气写下来。 我从现在开始用第二人称， 你， 来 称呼接下来会提到的这两位 respondents。 因为我知道这世界上有些人是不会忏悔的，你们甚至从来没觉得自己错过，我写这封信帮你回顾自己的行为。   文章里提及的respondents现在都在国内/北美的established and prestigious institutions工作，甚至已迎娶白富美走上人生巅峰。你们的朋友圈都充满了光鲜亮丽冠冕堂皇，你们对学术的热爱，你们事业的成功。不了解你们的人大概根本想象不到这一面。 我不会提及你的姓名和学校， 我写这封信的目的不是为了让你声败名裂，也 不是为了要打倒谁。   而且我知道即使我真的公布了你的名字，你也不一定会受到任何影响，你做的事情肯定还没有到罪大恶极的程度，何况在这个世界上，比你做过更过份事情的人也经常不会受到任何惩罚。 但我一定要写下来，让你看到，让你清楚意识到你做的事情对周围人造成的是怎样的影响和感受。   我也要警示更多的人，让他们知道遇到你这样的人时该怎么做，把我和我朋友所经历的一切和当时的处理方式作为反面教材。   这文章里没有什么特别离奇的故事，但是不代表我们受到的伤害和影响不深。 夜深人静的时候我就会时不时回想起我和我朋友A的经历， 我觉得我不把这些写下来对不起我的良心。 这封信只针对那么个别人，请广大读者不要随便对号入座，或者觉得我在阴阳怪气更大的群体。 我遇到的95%的大家都是很合理的，懂得尊重别人的人。 但如果真的对号入座发现每一项都完全符合，那么这文章里说的人可能就是你； 如果你真的觉得我在阴阳怪气地图炮， 那可能有些stereotypes就是statistically significant的。 我并不是一个草木皆兵的人，很多时候生活中我们大家都难免说出不过脑子的话，开不合时宜的玩笑，但文中respondents的行为不是偶发的/由于脑子抽了一时做出来的，而是不断持续，重复的，甚至是有计划...